08 Nov 09 Sunny

Hey hey, i am back. Healing process going slowly but surely. She is somewhat different from before and this is all cause by me. The guys who is always indecisive going around hurting people. Relationship should be a simple equation of Boy + Girl + True Love = Happy Relationship. But sometimes there are external factors preventing a healthy and happy relationship. External factors like some other people whom i was blindly attracted to. I really wish my dear would just ignore her and not do anything to get back to the other party because it will be a never ending cycle. I really just want to carry on with my life with my dear and no longer have other external factor. I just hope my dear will be smart enough to not go down to her level. Baby when you read this please know that i am not siding her. I've hurt you too much and i just want to make things right this time round. Baby you really are important to me and i do not want you to be angry. Lastly, Baby I love you. =)

Dumb

This post was suppose to be posted on the 3rd of Nov so there are some other developments. Watch out for the future post.

Told her what happened. Things turned out pretty bad. Kneeling to seek for forgiveness might not even work. I have caused her so much more pain. I know what i did was wrong. A moment of folly has resulted in a lifetime of regrets. I love you. These 3 words might never leave her lips ever again. We all know it is never too late to admit your mistake but this time i am afraid everyone might be wrong. Realizing how important someone is to you only after losing you might be a good thing but i feel dumb. The truth was so clear to me but yet i fail to see it. I do not want to ever lose her again but i am afraid i might. Why didn't i see clearly how good she was? Why did i keep pushing her away? Why did i get myself into so much shit? Why do i have to be so dumb?

2nd Chance

Being given a second chance is never a good or bad thing. It has to depend on the person who has been given the second chance to prove that he/she has been given a second chance correctly. I had been pushing her away. Trying very hard not to see her very attempt to be the best girlfriend anyone can ever have.I keep saying i do not like being with her but everything she has done for me has been registered deep down in my heart. About two months ago we went our separate ways. But every time there is a problem or i am feeling down. She would be the very first person i would contact. I took her as my punching bag. I hurled verbal abuses at her whenever i was feeling down. She kept quiet. Only weeping when she hangs up her phone. I wanted her to forget me and i tired to move on. I do not want her to not be happy but by me leaving her had made the world come crashing down on her. I was foolish enough to think that leaving her was the best way out for her. I was wrong. If during the period of time of us being together i would have not rejected her feeling and not pushing her away, i might already be married to her having our own kids. Two weeks back we had a 6 hour conversation and i finally realize that i love her so very deeply. She meant so much to me. I do want to be with her and i am very sure of that. Now we are back together there are still issues but i am willing to do right all my wrongs and stop pushing her away. I want to love her the way i am suppose to no longer trying to make her leave me. Baby if you see this. I LOVE YOU.